Feeling sad..

Well a couple of weeks have passed by..and i dont think it has really sunk in that we are finally gonna be parents! Im excited..but im not..im scared. After all we have went through im afraid of getting attached. Im afraid of a broken heart yet again. I keep trying to imagine myself as a mommy..buying a crib and a carseat soon..happy at a babyshower..i know i have absoultely no reason to be scared..but i am.

I know i can worry things to happen..im really trying to be happy! I still inspect the toilet paper every day and make sure there is nothing in the potty! I know..my anxiety is killing me..literally! I hate feeling this way..i want to enjoy my baby growing..but every time i turn around im told not to get too excited or to "be careful" why? Why do i have to be careful..yes it took a while to get pregnant..but im not disabled..my baby isnt going to die! This really sux!

Its really hard when my family is soo happy..but im not:( I dont even like to tell people im preggo..im not sure why really..but i guess im just gonna pretend i will be a mommy..and try my best to care for my little peanut! Hopefully it will be different next time i post!